See, last week was a rough week for me. And until Wednesday I wasn't able to fully relax. You should probably know why.
Last November I went in for a shift at the high school I supply teach at. I arrived in the office and vice principal motioned me into his office, saying he wanted to talk to me. Even as an adult, going to see the vice principal still freaks me out. I instantly thought over my last few times at the school, trying to think if I had done anything wrong.
I hadn't.
He was just letting me know that at some point in the future a maternity leave position would be opening at the school and he thought I would make a good candidate.
This was pretty exciting for me (it's always nice to know people enjoy having you work for them). A month later the position was posted and I applied on it before leaving to go see my family at Christmas. Only family and a few friends really knew about this, hence why I hadn't put it in my blog. I really didn't want to deal with everyone knowing I had failed if I didn't get the position.
Well, the posting closed on January 31. I knew I wouldn't hear right away, but I was in the school teaching the following week, so I figured I would at least hear a whisper of something.
I didn't.
And, to be honest, I was devastated. I had placed a lot on this job. I had been encouraged and told I would stand a really good chance, and then I was given nothing. And it crushed me. I have never had to fight so hard to believe that this did not determine my identity.
Every time I went to write a post last week, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew that when I did choose to write next I would have to share about what I saw as a failure, and I just wasn't ready to do that yet. I also came down with a cold, and then Jordan and I went to Jasper for the weekend for one of his cousin's wedding (which, for the record, was a blast. Despite getting sick and having very little of a voice, I loved the opportunity to hang out with my in-laws some more, and get to know the extended family. Words cannot describe how welcomed and loved I felt).
So rather than posting before leaving, I decided to postpone it.
On Friday afternoon Jordan and I were in a car driving from Edmonton to Jasper (lovely route, by the way), with his brother and sister-in-law. All of a sudden my phone went off with a message from the vice principal to book me for subbing the following week. He also mentioned that the principal wanted to talk to me about the mat leave position. So as relieved I was to hopefully get some closure, I now had to wait until the Wednesday to hear anything.
At this point I should probably say my husband is a saint when it comes to his patience with my "F.I.N.E." (Frantic, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional) state during this time. From the moment the position closed until the Wednesday I would finally hear (almost two weeks), I couldn't shut my brain down from thinking about it. My emotions were raw.
After an awesome weekend we headed home and on Wednesday I went to work. The vice principal came out right away and said something would be set up for me to talk to the principal, most likely at lunch. So I taught for a period and then it was lunch.
And the principal was still in meetings.
As I started teaching my last block of the day, I was becoming convinced that I would have to wait another week before I would hear anything about this job and whether or not I had it.
Then, halfway though the block, the principal showed up before leaving for another meeting and asked if he could talk to me quickly. Next thing I knew I was offered the job and it was announced to the staff today (and apparently there was a chorus of "Great!" from them at hearing this).
So, as of April 1, it looks like I will have some full time work. I don't have all of the details yet, those will come in the next week or so, but I do know that I have work.
Life has not always been easy, but I can attest that no matter how much of a battle it feels like I'm going through, or how difficult things are, God continues to richly bless me. Sometimes I think that I'm living in Narnia under the White Witch's reign and it is always winter and never Christmas. Then I realize my God is always present and that just because things don't work out the way I want them to doesn't mean that He is absent.
I was really scared with moving to Ontario that I would have to give up teaching because of a lack of jobs. And yet since the second week of school not a week has gone by where I haven't had at least one day of work. Most weeks I have two or three days (which amazes most of the teachers here that I talk to). And now, after less than a year, I have a maternity leave to fill.
Am I scared and nervous? Heck, yes! But God has continued to provide and take care of me. I have had so many family members and friends encouraging me throughout this and lifting me up in prayer. And all I can say is that I am so blessed, and that this leaves me feeling truly humbled.
So thank you to all of those who have been praying and supporting me--I know there are many of you. Thank you to my husband who has put up with my crazy emotions through this, and my Mom and sister who got the tear-filled calls. And most of all, thank you, Lord, for Your care and provision.
I'm going to leave you all with the picture my one sister sent me when I thought I didn't get the job. Dancing and singing is how we cope with things (both stress and relief). Let me tell you, this week I have done a fair bit of dancing (including with a grade 7 art class while "We are the Champions" is playing in the background).
