First off, I apologize for not writing last week. I have made it my goal to write two posts a week, but between working all week and life, there just wasn't the time. We spent Saturday with my Mom's side of the family who were celebrating Thanksgiving. There were bows (as in I felt like Katniss Everdeen shooting deer to bring home for food... except it was a crossbow which she wouldn't have used... and the deer was not exactly real), shotguns, incredible food, brilliant company, and a very warm bonfire.
Today is my one day off (I subbed yesterday and am subbing the next three days -- insert happy dance), so I figured I had better write!
Yesterday I was in a grade five class while teaching some grade six Social Studies. The kids were a hoot and remembered me from a brief stint I had in their class last week. I was definitely exhausted by the end of it (I'm used to high schoolers who are dopey and quiet on Monday afternoons... not grade six kids who I could swear were injected with sugar right before I entered the classroom) :) I'm back in those classes tomorrow, and then Thursday and Friday see me at the high school.
I'm definitely getting some work, which is a great feeling! Although my house (and especially my cat), don't seem to like that I'm not home as often. I don't think our cat trusts me anymore. He sees that I'm home but won't come cuddle unless I'm on the phone (apparently that signifies I'm staying put). Or maybe he's upset because we locked him out of the room last night. We try to let him come on the bed. But he has this somewhat annoying habit of pawing at the wardrobe when he thinks it is time for husband and I to get up and play with him. Last night he started this pawing as soon as we turned the lights out. He was out of the room and the door was closed after that!
I went for a run in the rain today, which I always find invigorating. Thought it wasn't my best run (working means I don't run as regularly), it was good to get out. And I was listening to a podcast by Matt Chandler that had to do what it means to be made in the image of God. If we are His image bearers on earth, what does that require of us?
It was an interesting start, but I still have about twenty minutes to go in the sermon and haven't found my thoughts formulated around it enough to write anything. So while I wait for what I'm baking in the oven (husband's birthday is tomorrow and so dessert must be made today), I will tell you what is on my mind.
I'm thinking about pain. Hardship. Suffering.
About feeling as though you were suffocating in your circumstances.
About the fact that sometimes it seems like there is not answer to why we experience what we experience.
How do you comfort someone who is aching? Who is broken? What do you say when you cannot begin to understand the depth of what they are feeling?
My cousin was a guest blogger (on a different blog) this past week. And I want to share with you the link for what she wrote. Because sometimes we are in pain and if we are completely honest we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope becomes myth. We can read our Bible and pray, but it doesn't always help. We don't turn our back on God, we understand that He is God and His ways are higher than our own, but that doesn't stop us from wanting to yell and scream. From wanting to fall at His feet and beg for an answer as to why we have to go through what we go through. And then it feels like we are met with silence.
How do we keep on going? How do we bring our pain to God? How do we live with our pain, without succumbing to it?
I cannot pretend to understand what my cousin is going through. Or what other I know have experienced when the teachers were on strike in BC and there were no paycheques coming through. Or what the beautiful, talented, incredible women I know are feeling right now when it seems like they will be single forever.
I know there is Hope. And I know there is Peace. But I also know there are times when it seems like life becomes too much. Where we are unable to see hints of the light.
And I want those people in my life who are experiencing that to know that I see them. That I am humbled by the strength and resilience they have shown. That even though they may not be able to see God right now, I see Him in them.
Thank you.
This is the link to what my cousin wrote:
http://themuckoflife.blogspot.ca/2014/09/guest-post-view-from-other-side-of.html?spref=fb
Tuesday 30 September 2014
Friday 19 September 2014
Post 8: The Cliffs of Insanity
What a week! There is nothing quite like being an introvert who is constantly meeting new people or having to impress people. Subbing at two different schools, serving coffee at an open house--all of these are fun events but the truth is they still tire me out. I get on mental and emotional overload. It gives me a better understanding of how students react when they are over-stimulated in a classroom. And maybe that's a better way to put it. By last night I felt over-stimulated. I had reached my max and felt like I couldn't handle any more.
My husband took me climbing at an indoor gym last night. It was my first time and I was definitely nervous (pretty sure I would complete any climbs and would fail miserably). But as I scaled my first one (which wasn't even graded, so that lets you know how easy it was), I felt like I was Westley in The Princess Bride. I was climbing the Cliffs of Insanity and I was going to reach the top! Sadly, there was no Inigo Montoya waiting for me when I touched the ceiling :)
I completed some climbs (these were graded--a 5.2 and a 5.4). Don't worry if the grading doesn't make sense to you. All I can tell you is that they were easy ones. I was stopped by a 5.5 and a 5.6 but have spent my day brainstorming how to tackle them again when we go climbing next.
And today? Today I hurt. As I went for my morning run I couldn't figure out why my arms were so sore. Then I realized it was because they had done something they have never done before. Anyone who knows me knows I have never climbed and was always too afraid to do so (thanks to a summer of working with electricians and scaling ladders and working on roofs, I have definitely worked towards combatting a fear of heights). But today my runs were not quite as good as they were yesterday. But my body definitely feels well worked-out :)
I heard back from yet another school this week. So I'm now on supply lists for four different schools. And I'm booked for one full day next week and part of another. Here's hoping that I get more call-ins! It definitely feels good to know I have places that will use me though. I talked with one teacher who said he knows people who graduated from Teacher's College a few years ago and still haven't managed to get on supply lists. So I am feeling very blessed.
On today's run I was listening to another Tim Keller podcast. This one was entitled "A Christian's Happiness." It was based on Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." This is perhaps the number one Scripture that makes everything within me tense up when people quote it.
Why would such a popular verse cause me to want to rip my clothes, weep, and gnash my teeth (how's that for imagery)? Because people tend to have strange ideas about what it means for God to work things for good. This is the verse that I have heard twisted to support the Prosperity Gospel. "If you just serve God and follow Him and make sure you love Him, everything will be great. You will be healthy, wealthy, and wise."
*insert gag reaction*
So apparently I still have some issues to work through when it comes to this topic :)
When I realized Keller was going to address this passage, I started to get excited. I couldn't wait to hear what my favourite pastor had to say about the verse that sometimes makes me want to hurl. I didn't get a chance to listen to the whole podcast, but I will definitely fill you in when I am done it. Here is what he did have to say.
He started off by addressing the fact that the Bible is clear that a Christian's joy is not supposed to be subject to circumstances. He says that no matter what the circumstances, our joy should make us at least quietly happy. That if we nurture and grow our joy, it will be able to co-exist with, and even overtake, the deepest grief.
He says there are three things, and that knowing and grasping these will help us to strengthen our joy. Here they are:
1. Our bad things turn out for good (Romans 8:28)
2. Our good things can never be lost (Romans 8:29)
3. The best things are yet to come (Romans 8:30)
Now this was my shorter run of the day, so I only got to listen to what he had to say about the first point, though this is the one I have always struggled with the most because of how I have heard it used. He gives us three implications of this first point and the first one is the one that really struck me. Keller says that the first thing we need to realize is that ALL THINGS happen to Christians. This verse doesn't say that God will take away the bad things and make our lives sunshine and rainbows. Our circumstances as Christians are no better than anyone else's. As he puts it, "The first thing this tells us is that terrible things happen to people who love God."
We don't like to hear that. We don't like to believe that. But it is still true. How many of us have gone through pain or suffering? The year I found out my Mom had cancer just about broke me. It didn't make sense. Where was God in that? Wasn't He supposed to take away all the bad stuff? Wasn't life supposed to be easier because I was following Him? I was on the worship team, I was leading youth and young adults at my church, I even led a Wednesday night prayer group. How could He let my Mom get sick?
Because terrible things still happen to people who love and serve God.
Keller then goes on to say that another implication of his first point is that when things work together for good, we know it is because of God. He comments how Paul doesn't say "things work together for good." Things can't work together for good on their own. This chapter in Romans tells us that things fall apart. We live in a world that is fallen, and because of this it is broken. Everything falls apart, it decays, and so they don't come together on their own. As Keller puts it, "If anything goes good that's a miracle of grace."
That year with my Mom was one of the hardest of my life. My faith was stretched to the point where it felt like butter spread over too much bread (thank you, Bilbo Baggins). But it didn't break. God grew it. Later that same year the doctors could find no more tumors. Six years later my Mom is still cancer free. Four years after this time, though, one of the most incredible women I know was diagnosed with breast cancer. And it shook me up again. I had the pleasure to teach this woman's son and coach her daughters. They are an incredible family. And again, it didn't make sense how God could let this happen.
The summer I found this out I started meeting with one of the woman's daughters. We would go for tea dates about once a week. And for the first time I saw "the good" that came from what I went through when my Mom had cancer. I realized that because of what I experienced and felt and went through, I was able to help someone who was going through the same thing. I could be a sounding board, I could hear the hurt and the anger towards God, and I could help. God took something horrible, something that still brings tears to my eyes, but He used it for good. He worked it for good.
Stay tuned for more from this sermon.
Monday 15 September 2014
Post 7: The Grade 5 Gym Class
Hello, couch. I must confess, you do feel wonderful today :)
Today has been one productive day. After an early start I got to head to work with my husband to help him and my in-laws with an open house for work. I got to make sandwiches (hello, seven years of deli experience), make coffee, chat with people, and just fulfill little roles. It was a lot of fun. At lunch time I had to leave for an interview at an elementary school.
Well, it wasn't really much of an interview. I had been interviewed by this principal in May for a full-time position at the school, so we had already talked and he had even called one of my references. This was more of an "Congrats, we want you as a supply teacher! Let me show you around the school! Hey, want to work the last 45 minutes of the day and come in tomorrow for an hour and a half?"
That's right! I went for an interview and ended up working! I got to teach PE to a hilarious class of grade 5 students who had so much energy I couldn't help but laugh and feel both invigorated and exhausted by being with them.
They knew they were having a supply teacher, so one of the girls snuck out of the changeroom to get a look at me. After gaining assurance I would be their teacher, she ran back into the changeroom calling out, "She is gorgeous! Absolutely gorgeous!"
Kids can be so good for a person's self-esteem :)
I left the school booked to sub tomorrow for an hour and a half. I then checked my phone. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I talked about a school that seemed really interested in me? Well I never heard back from them so I had kind of given up. Apparently I shouldn't have done that. They emailed me not to interview me, but to see if I was available next week to sub.
And so after facing highway traffic, running some errands, and dropping hubby off at class I now find myself at home. I did some laundry (we were both a little too tired yesterday to do it), and now I am sitting, my cat at my side. He is not so big a fan of my being gone during the days. I think he was rather fond of our days being spent with him following me from room to room and cuddling with me as we watched tv or worked on the computer.
I feel good. I have still been struggling with not feeling like I'm busy enough or productive enough, and by the end of today I felt really proud of what had been accomplished. And so blessed. I talked with another teacher today and he told me that he has friends who graduated from Teacher's College a few years ago and are still having trouble getting on supply lists. God has blessed me so much. Considering I have moved across the country, I have managed to find work. I have family and friends afar and near that are so supportive. And in those moments of rest I have a cat to cuddle with and a husband who constantly encourages me.
And so as I sit here and relax for a few minutes before I head out to pick hubby up, I will rest in the knowledge that I am blessed. So blessed.
Today has been one productive day. After an early start I got to head to work with my husband to help him and my in-laws with an open house for work. I got to make sandwiches (hello, seven years of deli experience), make coffee, chat with people, and just fulfill little roles. It was a lot of fun. At lunch time I had to leave for an interview at an elementary school.
Well, it wasn't really much of an interview. I had been interviewed by this principal in May for a full-time position at the school, so we had already talked and he had even called one of my references. This was more of an "Congrats, we want you as a supply teacher! Let me show you around the school! Hey, want to work the last 45 minutes of the day and come in tomorrow for an hour and a half?"
That's right! I went for an interview and ended up working! I got to teach PE to a hilarious class of grade 5 students who had so much energy I couldn't help but laugh and feel both invigorated and exhausted by being with them.
They knew they were having a supply teacher, so one of the girls snuck out of the changeroom to get a look at me. After gaining assurance I would be their teacher, she ran back into the changeroom calling out, "She is gorgeous! Absolutely gorgeous!"
Kids can be so good for a person's self-esteem :)
I left the school booked to sub tomorrow for an hour and a half. I then checked my phone. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I talked about a school that seemed really interested in me? Well I never heard back from them so I had kind of given up. Apparently I shouldn't have done that. They emailed me not to interview me, but to see if I was available next week to sub.
And so after facing highway traffic, running some errands, and dropping hubby off at class I now find myself at home. I did some laundry (we were both a little too tired yesterday to do it), and now I am sitting, my cat at my side. He is not so big a fan of my being gone during the days. I think he was rather fond of our days being spent with him following me from room to room and cuddling with me as we watched tv or worked on the computer.
I feel good. I have still been struggling with not feeling like I'm busy enough or productive enough, and by the end of today I felt really proud of what had been accomplished. And so blessed. I talked with another teacher today and he told me that he has friends who graduated from Teacher's College a few years ago and are still having trouble getting on supply lists. God has blessed me so much. Considering I have moved across the country, I have managed to find work. I have family and friends afar and near that are so supportive. And in those moments of rest I have a cat to cuddle with and a husband who constantly encourages me.
And so as I sit here and relax for a few minutes before I head out to pick hubby up, I will rest in the knowledge that I am blessed. So blessed.
Friday 12 September 2014
Post 6: Bye-Bye, Week
What a week!
I had had every intention of doing two posts this week like usual, and just couldn't find the time. Or energy. Or a combination of both. But it has been a great week!
We went camping over the weekend which was a blast. On Tuesday I had an interview with a tutoring agency and was hired. Wednesday I began subbing.
I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it was to be back in a classroom! I had missed teaching and interacting with students. And I had some pretty crazy students too--which always makes things more fun and interesting :) Husband was out of town on Wednesday, and so I went for dinner with my mom-in-law and then joined her to play some volleyball that night. I haven't played volleyball really since high school (coaching doesn't count since I didn't actually play), and I wasn't very good in high school. But it was so much fun to get out!
On Wednesday night I may have broken the rules a little bit. Our cat hasn't been allowed to sleep in our room because we have a new bed and we were a little concerned about what he would do to the box spring. So naturally, me being the rule-follower that I am, I let him sleep with me all Wednesday night. He seemed to rather enjoy stealing my man's spot :)
On Thursday I actually got to sub for the whole day, so I was teaching four different class--ESL, two Englishes, and a History. Minus the nervous part of the day where I had to go into the staff room at lunch and try to talk to other people I don't know (scarier than teaching, I kid you not), it was just a really fun day. I found out that my high heels intimidate students everywhere, not just in BC. And apparently intimidation is what I do!
Today was another half day, but as I was sitting at the dining room table before leaving my phone notified me that I had an email. So I checked and one of the elementary school I had contacted in August was emailing me about setting up an interview next week for supply teaching at their school! So I'm pretty excited about that!
I returned home from an exciting morning of teaching only to collapse on the couch and sleep for about 3.5 hours.
I sometimes don't realize how stressed I allow myself to get over things. But between the interview, working in a new environment, and meeting new people, and all of this following a weekend of being outdoors and active, I was thoroughly exhausted when I got home. I should have clued in to this when I fell asleep last night while my husband was putting together drawers for under our bed (huzzah!).
So I'm afraid that I don't have anything deeper to add to this post, just an update on the week and a way of keeping myself accountable to writing!
I had had every intention of doing two posts this week like usual, and just couldn't find the time. Or energy. Or a combination of both. But it has been a great week!
We went camping over the weekend which was a blast. On Tuesday I had an interview with a tutoring agency and was hired. Wednesday I began subbing.
I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it was to be back in a classroom! I had missed teaching and interacting with students. And I had some pretty crazy students too--which always makes things more fun and interesting :) Husband was out of town on Wednesday, and so I went for dinner with my mom-in-law and then joined her to play some volleyball that night. I haven't played volleyball really since high school (coaching doesn't count since I didn't actually play), and I wasn't very good in high school. But it was so much fun to get out!
On Wednesday night I may have broken the rules a little bit. Our cat hasn't been allowed to sleep in our room because we have a new bed and we were a little concerned about what he would do to the box spring. So naturally, me being the rule-follower that I am, I let him sleep with me all Wednesday night. He seemed to rather enjoy stealing my man's spot :)
On Thursday I actually got to sub for the whole day, so I was teaching four different class--ESL, two Englishes, and a History. Minus the nervous part of the day where I had to go into the staff room at lunch and try to talk to other people I don't know (scarier than teaching, I kid you not), it was just a really fun day. I found out that my high heels intimidate students everywhere, not just in BC. And apparently intimidation is what I do!
Today was another half day, but as I was sitting at the dining room table before leaving my phone notified me that I had an email. So I checked and one of the elementary school I had contacted in August was emailing me about setting up an interview next week for supply teaching at their school! So I'm pretty excited about that!
I returned home from an exciting morning of teaching only to collapse on the couch and sleep for about 3.5 hours.
I sometimes don't realize how stressed I allow myself to get over things. But between the interview, working in a new environment, and meeting new people, and all of this following a weekend of being outdoors and active, I was thoroughly exhausted when I got home. I should have clued in to this when I fell asleep last night while my husband was putting together drawers for under our bed (huzzah!).
So I'm afraid that I don't have anything deeper to add to this post, just an update on the week and a way of keeping myself accountable to writing!
Friday 5 September 2014
Post 5: The Wind's Song
Today has felt like what one might call a "productive day." It began with a run. Then there was a lovely break where skies opened and torrential rains poured forth while I cleaned the bathroom, the kitchen, and then dusted. I then snuck away for another short run (thunder and rain are marvelous motivators to run faster), which was followed by vacuuming and washing the floors. Then I received a call from the school I supply for asking if I was available for three days next week (insert fist pump and squeal of glee). After making myself presentable I grocery shopped, started laundry, and got the spare room ready for some company we are having tonight.
And exhale.
Now I'm drinking tea and eating a banana chocolate chip muffin that I made earlier this week. And the combination is heavenly.
I'm pretty excited at the thought of getting to be in a classroom. Nervous, but I always am before meeting new classes. I always told my students I felt physically ill on the first day of a new class. They never believed me, but it is the truth.
I also applied on some tutoring jobs and I have a possible interview next week. So that is also exciting.
The wind is blowing through the trees outside our living room window and I find the song they create so soothing.
Sometimes I could swear God uses things like that just to get my attention. No sooner had I written the sentences about the trees and wind than the wind died down to little more than a light breeze.
There has been a lot going through my head this week. Between house work, getting errands, looking for tutoring work, and doing everything in my power trying to not let not having regular hours get to me, my brain has been rather busy.
For the last two days I have been thinking about what I was going to write. I heard a good podcast that looked at Abraham interceding on behalf of Sodom and Gomorrah. It showed how that event was a foreshadowing of when Christ would come. Honestly, I found it fascinating. Today I started listening to another podcast that had to do with being a living sacrifice. And again, it was fascinating. So I have been organizing my thoughts and trying to think of what to say and how to say it.
And then the wind blows through the trees and their rustling tune causes me to stop.
To be still.
You see, growing up I was probably the laziest person you would have ever met. If you don't believe me, ask any member of my family, they will attest to it. If I had a day off you had better believe all I would do is sit and read or watch tv, and eat. Clean up after myself? Heavens, no! That's silliness! Go for a walk or a run? Bah!
Then, about seven or eight years ago, some small groups in our church did a personality study. And I found that, for the first time ever (I really hate personality studies... but don't tell my students as I made them do them last year), I realized I fit into a category. I realized this because I could see a lot of the negative attributes in my life. And one of them was laziness. So I have spent the last seven or so years doing what I can to be productive.
I still love my laziness. This last year I would wake up on a Saturday morning, work out, clean my house, and run my errands, just so I could spend the rest of my day being lazy.
It worked.
But I think what is hard for me is that I have worked so hard to better this part of myself, that the thought of anyone thinking I'm lazy just about kills me. And while I'm on a supply list and I'm applying for jobs and I'm keeping busy, I'm still horrified that people will judge me.
And I know this is silly. But I have felt myself starting to stress about this as the week has gone on.
And then the wind and the trees call to me.
They grab my attention.
They quiet my heart.
And it's as if in that moment I hear God say, "Be still, Jess. I see you. You are mine. I'm here. Rest in me."
And so that's what I will do.
And exhale.
Now I'm drinking tea and eating a banana chocolate chip muffin that I made earlier this week. And the combination is heavenly.
I'm pretty excited at the thought of getting to be in a classroom. Nervous, but I always am before meeting new classes. I always told my students I felt physically ill on the first day of a new class. They never believed me, but it is the truth.
I also applied on some tutoring jobs and I have a possible interview next week. So that is also exciting.
The wind is blowing through the trees outside our living room window and I find the song they create so soothing.
Sometimes I could swear God uses things like that just to get my attention. No sooner had I written the sentences about the trees and wind than the wind died down to little more than a light breeze.
There has been a lot going through my head this week. Between house work, getting errands, looking for tutoring work, and doing everything in my power trying to not let not having regular hours get to me, my brain has been rather busy.
For the last two days I have been thinking about what I was going to write. I heard a good podcast that looked at Abraham interceding on behalf of Sodom and Gomorrah. It showed how that event was a foreshadowing of when Christ would come. Honestly, I found it fascinating. Today I started listening to another podcast that had to do with being a living sacrifice. And again, it was fascinating. So I have been organizing my thoughts and trying to think of what to say and how to say it.
And then the wind blows through the trees and their rustling tune causes me to stop.
To be still.
You see, growing up I was probably the laziest person you would have ever met. If you don't believe me, ask any member of my family, they will attest to it. If I had a day off you had better believe all I would do is sit and read or watch tv, and eat. Clean up after myself? Heavens, no! That's silliness! Go for a walk or a run? Bah!
Then, about seven or eight years ago, some small groups in our church did a personality study. And I found that, for the first time ever (I really hate personality studies... but don't tell my students as I made them do them last year), I realized I fit into a category. I realized this because I could see a lot of the negative attributes in my life. And one of them was laziness. So I have spent the last seven or so years doing what I can to be productive.
I still love my laziness. This last year I would wake up on a Saturday morning, work out, clean my house, and run my errands, just so I could spend the rest of my day being lazy.
It worked.
But I think what is hard for me is that I have worked so hard to better this part of myself, that the thought of anyone thinking I'm lazy just about kills me. And while I'm on a supply list and I'm applying for jobs and I'm keeping busy, I'm still horrified that people will judge me.
And I know this is silly. But I have felt myself starting to stress about this as the week has gone on.
And then the wind and the trees call to me.
They grab my attention.
They quiet my heart.
And it's as if in that moment I hear God say, "Be still, Jess. I see you. You are mine. I'm here. Rest in me."
And so that's what I will do.
Tuesday 2 September 2014
Post 4: The Means or the End?
It was a dark and stormy afternoon...
Yup, I'm in one of those kinds of moods. The skies have grown rather dark and the rain has started to pour. I have a pot of tea nearby, candles lit, and a silently sleeping cat beside me. From my spot in the living room I can look out the window and see a tree across the street whose leaves have already started to turn colour. In my mind, it is September and that means fall is hear now. Hence the apple cinnamon candle that is burning versus the lighter frangrances I had in the summer. This is also why I have actually been accessing my Pinterest account to look at fall decorating ideas. And baking ideas.
The Labor Day weekend has ended. When I was on my morning run I was able to see all the parents walking their children to the buses as they began the start of a school year. And I'm not going to lie, it has felt a little strange for me. This is the first September where I have not been teaching or going to school myself. And I really miss it. But I am also enjoying being home right now. I like being able to clean and organize the house, bake, run errands, and take care of my husband. And I'm pretty sure he is enjoying it as well.
That being said, I am also hoping for some teachers to get sick soon so I can work my way back into a classroom ;)
This was a busy weekend for us. On Saturday we visited my Oma and Opa and ended up having dinner with an aunt and uncle. On Sunday, after church and an afternoon of laundry, we went to a cousin's house for a bonfire and a chance to get to visit as well as meet some new people. By the time we got home yesterday we had a cat who was horrified that we would leave him yet again and we two very tired adults!
I am loving the fact that I can live so close to my extended family. It has been so much fun to know that they are close and that I can drop in and visit with them.
Lately I have been spending a fair bit of time mulling over the question of identity again. It has come up in several conversations and so has always been at the back (or the forefront), of my mind. On this morning's run I was listening to another Tim Keller podcast, and this one was called "The Cosmic King." Just over seven minutes into the sermon I almost had to stop because I couldn't believe how perfectly Keller's words fit to what has so been on my mind.
He is addressing his congregation and talks about how if you want help with your problems in life, you have to start with "doctrine and dogma." Here's what he says:
"Unless you start with something outside of you, you'll never find you... You are not the alpha, you can't start with you. If you start with you you'll never find you. You have to get out of you to find yourself. That's the message of the Scripture--unless you start with Him, unless you know Him, you can't know yourself."
Keller is looking at the passage in the Bible where Christ says "I am the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end." This message focuses on what this means. If Jesus is the alpha, that means we see Him as God--He is our Creator and we are His created beings. This should frame our context. Who I am is not who I think I am, or what I see when I look in the mirror or evaluate my intellect--who I am is based in who God is. I am His.
Then he goes on to describe this idea of God as the omega. Keller asks the question: "Is God your end, or your means to your end?" He looks at the story of Moses and discusses how Moses saw himself as the deliverer of his people. He had power, education, and authority. So he killed an Egyptian. But instead of the Israelites rallying around him, they instead wanted to know who he thought he was. Moses' end was to lead Israel out of slavery. His end wasn't God. Jesus as our omega means that we no longer try to use him as a means to whatever end we want. Rather, we realize that He is our greatest end.
How many times have we complained to God? "Lord, I have done this for You, and I have obeyed this. I'm doing all the right things here. But my life is falling apart. Why can't you give me this one thing that I have asked for?"
The reasoning behind this, Keller argues, is that we have our own end in mind and so we are treating God not as our cosmic King and Creator, but as our accomplice. So when things don't work out the way that we want them to, we believe He has let us down. That He has failed to hold up His end of the bargain.
Instead we are to view Him as our end, and so if our goal is to glorify Him and to take joy in him, all of a sudden our trials and sufferings take on a different light. Do they hurt less? No. Do they go away? Definitely not. But we see them not as examples of God letting us down, but as opportunities to glorify Him. To learn how to take joy in whatever trials we face because we acknowledge that they can draw us closer to Him.
When I was growing up, it seemed common practice to tell teenaged girls that if they just stopped wanting to be in a relationship and focused on Jesus, eventually that relationship would happen. What they were trying to say was for us to make Jesus our end, not getting a man our end. The problem, is that it didn't usually come out this way. So I know in my experience, as well as in that of other women I have talked to, we still made our ultimate goal trying to find "Mr. Right." And so God became our means to get that. We weren't trying to focus on God because we wanted to worship Him or learn to take joy in Him. We were trying to focus on God because we figured that meant He would bring a man into our lives. I think of the times I have lamented because it seemed like God was out to get me. It seemed like He wanted me to be lonely.
He didn't. But I needed to get my priorities straight. And I needed to realize that my Alpha, the One who knit me together, was also my Omega. He was who I needed to keep my eyes on. He was who I needed focus on. He wasn't my accomplice in my mission to find a husband. He was my God who deserved all of me.
There was so much in this message--I really would encourage you to listen to it. I have a feeling I will be continuing to mull it over for a while. And I would welcome any thoughts!
Yup, I'm in one of those kinds of moods. The skies have grown rather dark and the rain has started to pour. I have a pot of tea nearby, candles lit, and a silently sleeping cat beside me. From my spot in the living room I can look out the window and see a tree across the street whose leaves have already started to turn colour. In my mind, it is September and that means fall is hear now. Hence the apple cinnamon candle that is burning versus the lighter frangrances I had in the summer. This is also why I have actually been accessing my Pinterest account to look at fall decorating ideas. And baking ideas.
The Labor Day weekend has ended. When I was on my morning run I was able to see all the parents walking their children to the buses as they began the start of a school year. And I'm not going to lie, it has felt a little strange for me. This is the first September where I have not been teaching or going to school myself. And I really miss it. But I am also enjoying being home right now. I like being able to clean and organize the house, bake, run errands, and take care of my husband. And I'm pretty sure he is enjoying it as well.
That being said, I am also hoping for some teachers to get sick soon so I can work my way back into a classroom ;)
This was a busy weekend for us. On Saturday we visited my Oma and Opa and ended up having dinner with an aunt and uncle. On Sunday, after church and an afternoon of laundry, we went to a cousin's house for a bonfire and a chance to get to visit as well as meet some new people. By the time we got home yesterday we had a cat who was horrified that we would leave him yet again and we two very tired adults!
I am loving the fact that I can live so close to my extended family. It has been so much fun to know that they are close and that I can drop in and visit with them.
Lately I have been spending a fair bit of time mulling over the question of identity again. It has come up in several conversations and so has always been at the back (or the forefront), of my mind. On this morning's run I was listening to another Tim Keller podcast, and this one was called "The Cosmic King." Just over seven minutes into the sermon I almost had to stop because I couldn't believe how perfectly Keller's words fit to what has so been on my mind.
He is addressing his congregation and talks about how if you want help with your problems in life, you have to start with "doctrine and dogma." Here's what he says:
"Unless you start with something outside of you, you'll never find you... You are not the alpha, you can't start with you. If you start with you you'll never find you. You have to get out of you to find yourself. That's the message of the Scripture--unless you start with Him, unless you know Him, you can't know yourself."
Keller is looking at the passage in the Bible where Christ says "I am the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end." This message focuses on what this means. If Jesus is the alpha, that means we see Him as God--He is our Creator and we are His created beings. This should frame our context. Who I am is not who I think I am, or what I see when I look in the mirror or evaluate my intellect--who I am is based in who God is. I am His.
Then he goes on to describe this idea of God as the omega. Keller asks the question: "Is God your end, or your means to your end?" He looks at the story of Moses and discusses how Moses saw himself as the deliverer of his people. He had power, education, and authority. So he killed an Egyptian. But instead of the Israelites rallying around him, they instead wanted to know who he thought he was. Moses' end was to lead Israel out of slavery. His end wasn't God. Jesus as our omega means that we no longer try to use him as a means to whatever end we want. Rather, we realize that He is our greatest end.
How many times have we complained to God? "Lord, I have done this for You, and I have obeyed this. I'm doing all the right things here. But my life is falling apart. Why can't you give me this one thing that I have asked for?"
The reasoning behind this, Keller argues, is that we have our own end in mind and so we are treating God not as our cosmic King and Creator, but as our accomplice. So when things don't work out the way that we want them to, we believe He has let us down. That He has failed to hold up His end of the bargain.
Instead we are to view Him as our end, and so if our goal is to glorify Him and to take joy in him, all of a sudden our trials and sufferings take on a different light. Do they hurt less? No. Do they go away? Definitely not. But we see them not as examples of God letting us down, but as opportunities to glorify Him. To learn how to take joy in whatever trials we face because we acknowledge that they can draw us closer to Him.
When I was growing up, it seemed common practice to tell teenaged girls that if they just stopped wanting to be in a relationship and focused on Jesus, eventually that relationship would happen. What they were trying to say was for us to make Jesus our end, not getting a man our end. The problem, is that it didn't usually come out this way. So I know in my experience, as well as in that of other women I have talked to, we still made our ultimate goal trying to find "Mr. Right." And so God became our means to get that. We weren't trying to focus on God because we wanted to worship Him or learn to take joy in Him. We were trying to focus on God because we figured that meant He would bring a man into our lives. I think of the times I have lamented because it seemed like God was out to get me. It seemed like He wanted me to be lonely.
He didn't. But I needed to get my priorities straight. And I needed to realize that my Alpha, the One who knit me together, was also my Omega. He was who I needed to keep my eyes on. He was who I needed focus on. He wasn't my accomplice in my mission to find a husband. He was my God who deserved all of me.
There was so much in this message--I really would encourage you to listen to it. I have a feeling I will be continuing to mull it over for a while. And I would welcome any thoughts!
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