Post 4: The Means or the End?

It was a dark and stormy afternoon...

Yup, I'm in one of those kinds of moods.  The skies have grown rather dark and the rain has started to pour.  I have a pot of tea nearby, candles lit, and a silently sleeping cat beside me.  From my spot in the living room I can look out the window and see a tree across the street whose leaves have already started to turn colour.  In my mind, it is September and that means fall is hear now.  Hence the apple cinnamon candle that is burning versus the lighter frangrances I had in the summer.  This is also why I have actually been accessing my Pinterest account to look at fall decorating ideas.  And baking ideas.

The Labor Day weekend has ended.  When I was on my morning run I was able to see all the parents walking their children to the buses as they began the start of a school year.  And I'm not going to lie, it has felt a little strange for me.  This is the first September where I have not been teaching or going to school myself.  And I really miss it.  But I am also enjoying being home right now.  I like being able to clean and organize the house, bake, run errands, and take care of my husband.  And I'm pretty sure he is enjoying it as well. 

That being said, I am also hoping for some teachers to get sick soon so I can work my way back into a classroom ;)

This was a busy weekend for us.  On Saturday we visited my Oma and Opa and ended up having dinner with an aunt and uncle.  On Sunday, after church and an afternoon of laundry, we went to a cousin's house for a bonfire and a chance to get to visit as well as meet some new people.  By the time we got home yesterday we had a cat who was horrified that we would leave him yet again and we two very tired adults!

I am loving the fact that I can live so close to my extended family.  It has been so much fun to know that they are close and that I can drop in and visit with them.

Lately I have been spending a fair bit of time mulling over the question of identity again.  It has come up in several conversations and so has always been at the back (or the forefront), of my mind.  On this morning's run I was listening to another Tim Keller podcast, and this one was called "The Cosmic King."  Just over seven minutes into the sermon I almost had to stop because I couldn't believe how perfectly Keller's words fit to what has so been on my mind.

He is addressing his congregation and talks about how if you want help with your problems in life, you have to start with "doctrine and dogma."  Here's what he says:

"Unless you start with something outside of you, you'll never find you... You are not the alpha, you can't start with you.  If you start with you you'll never find you.  You have to get out of you to find yourself.  That's the message of the Scripture--unless you start with Him, unless you know Him, you can't know yourself."

Keller is looking at the passage in the Bible where Christ says "I am the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end."  This message focuses on what this means.  If Jesus is the alpha, that means we see Him as God--He is our Creator and we are His created beings.  This should frame our context.  Who I am is not who I think I am, or what I see when I look in the mirror or evaluate my intellect--who I am is based in who God is.  I am His. 

Then he goes on to describe this idea of God as the omega.  Keller asks the question: "Is God your end, or your means to your end?"  He looks at the story of Moses and discusses how Moses saw himself as the deliverer of his people.  He had power, education, and authority.  So he killed an Egyptian.  But instead of the Israelites rallying around him, they instead wanted to know who he thought he was.  Moses' end was to lead Israel out of slavery.  His end wasn't God.  Jesus as our omega means that we no longer try to use him as a means to whatever end we want.  Rather, we realize that He is our greatest end.

How many times have we complained to God?  "Lord, I have done this for You, and I have obeyed this.  I'm doing all the right things here.  But my life is falling apart.  Why can't you give me this one thing that I have asked for?"

The reasoning behind this, Keller argues, is that we have our own end in mind and so we are treating God not as our cosmic King and Creator, but as our accomplice.  So when things don't work out the way that we want them to, we believe He has let us down.  That He has failed to hold up His end of the bargain.

Instead we are to view Him as our end, and so if our goal is to glorify Him and to take joy in him, all of a sudden our trials and sufferings take on a different light.  Do they hurt less?  No.  Do they go away?  Definitely not.  But we see them not as examples of God letting us down, but as opportunities to glorify Him.  To learn how to take joy in whatever trials we face because we acknowledge that they can draw us closer to Him.

When I was growing up, it seemed common practice to tell teenaged girls that if they just stopped wanting to be in a relationship and focused on Jesus, eventually that relationship would happen.  What they were trying to say was for us to make Jesus our end, not getting a man our end.  The problem, is that it didn't usually come out this way.  So I know in my experience, as well as in that of other women I have talked to, we still made our ultimate goal trying to find "Mr. Right."  And so God became our means to get that.  We weren't trying to focus on God because we wanted to worship Him or learn to take joy in Him.  We were trying to focus on God because we figured that meant He would bring a man into our lives.  I think of the times I have lamented because it seemed like God was out to get me.  It seemed like He wanted me to be lonely.

He didn't.  But I needed to get my priorities straight.  And I needed to realize that my Alpha, the One who knit me together, was also my Omega.  He was who I needed to keep my eyes on.  He was who I needed focus on.  He wasn't my accomplice in my mission to find a husband.  He was my God who deserved all of me.

There was so much in this message--I really would encourage you to listen to it.  I have a feeling I will be continuing to mull it over for a while.  And I would welcome any thoughts!