Something about starting teaching full time in the middle of a semester (and a week earlier than you thought you were starting) really puts a damper on regular blogging! I come home most nights feeling so content and happy, yet so thoroughly exhausted, that I haven't been able to do much else besides think about writing a post. This last week (week 3 of teaching), was probably my best week yet and I left work on Friday feeling energized and incredibly excited for the week to come. Which also meant I am in a much better place for blogging.
I have always had a thing for musicals. As my one sister told everyone at my wedding, music (and specifically dancing to it), has always been a part of my life. Although I don't think I realized until recently just how much of a part of my life it has been. Back in March this same sister posted a link to my Facebook wall that completely made my day. It is a mash-up of famous movie dance sequences done to the song "Shut Up and Dance." Here's the link in case you want to check it out (which you obviously should).
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/news/a37837/mashup-of-famous-dance-scenes-great-video/
This song became my theme song when I ran. It would come on and it didn't matter where I was running or who was around--I would be breaking out the dance moves and air drumming as I went along.
On Friday one of my Law classes was working on an assignment in the computer lab when three of my boys burst into song. Couldn't tell you what the song was but I can tell you they actually harmonized quite nicely together. I couldn't help but smile.
After school that same day I had to take my husband to the garage to pick up his car. As I was driving home afterward I turned up the mixed CD my sister had sent me in the mail. Before I finish that story I should tell you what I was feeling prior to this.
I have been pretty stressed over the last few weeks, what with adjusting to teaching and trying to figure everything out. And like I said above, I have been exhausted. After dinner husband and I would put on a TV show and you could be guaranteed that I would fall asleep during it. I was incapable to keeping my eyes open and with the stress I felt like some of my creativity and excitement was lost. Or maybe not lost, just hidden. Don't get me wrong, I have been so happy and have been completely thrilled to teach. I love being in a classroom and getting to know my kids. Each student I teach, whether they want to or not, becomes one of my kids. I don't see them as just my student, but as someone I care for and invest in and want the best for. And sometimes that can be exhausting, especially when you are coming into a semester that is half done.
I have always dreamed that my life would be a musical, which is maybe why my boys breaking into song made me smile. As I turned up the volume of my car stereo, something therapeutic began to happen.
I started to dance.
When we got home my husband told me he had indeed seen me through his rear view mirror air drumming, dancing, and singing to my music.
But you have no idea how freeing that was for me. I love to dance. I'm not any good at it, but from the time I was a kid music made my body move. It could be me memorizing dance sequences to "And Then He Kissed Me" at the start of Adventures in Babysitting, or Meg's dance to "I won't say I'm in Love" from Disney's Hercules. I would come up with interpretive dances to my own music (to which my sister is still scarred from having been made to watch). Whenever I have gone to dances I have been the girl who breaks out the sprinkler or the shopping cart, or who just jumps and flails in beat to the music. Even in church there were times where the only way I felt I could express my heart to God was by dancing along to the music.
Today in church we sang the song "Blessed be Your Name." This song has had an important role in my life since I was 18 and experiencing life after high school. I did a semester of Bible College and it was during this semester that I had to grieve the separation between my family and one of the foster children we had taken in. My family was moving to another city and as such were not allowed to take this little girl with us. It broke my heart. Every child my parents brought into our house held a little piece of heart, and this girl was no different. I can still remember one of my first Sundays at Bible College, hearing this song and crying. Circumstances didn't make sense to me. But I knew that God was good.
For over ten years this song has come back to me. There have been times when I would play it on the piano at home, singing my heart out, tears tracing my face. There have been a lot of times where life doesn't make sense. There have been a lot of times where my heart has been crushed and broken and I didn't think I would ever recover from it. Yet this song always rang through. When the darkness would close in, I still had to learn to bless God and praise His name. To remember that He is good.
Even last year, when I made the decision to leave my family and work and friends to move to Ontario and marry my husband, this song was a part of my life.
After church we ended up talking with a woman about having to trust God. About changes that come in life, things that are hard to deal with, and believing that God has a plan and a purpose. That we can trust Him.
Today I realized something though. This song has always been a cry of my heart during hard times. When I felt like I wouldn't be able to go any further, these words were the ones I would cry out to my Heavenly Father. But the song isn't just about the bad times. I find we just tend to identify with those.
In the last week I have chatted with numerous people and have been asked how I'm doing. And my response has always been that I'm doing great. Because I am. I am so genuinely happy right now. I feel blessed beyond measure.
And that's when I realized that this song needs to not just be the cry of my heart when I am hurting. But it also needs to be the expression of my heart when the sun seems to be shining on me, and when the world seems to be as it should be.
I always feel like these times are a lot rarer than the hard times. And they never seem to last as long as the hard, dry seasons either. But they are still seasons. And if there is something I need to learn, it is that even in these seasons I need to praise God. Even in these times I still need to trust Him. The Bible doesn't just say "The Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord." But it says "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
Who knew that my affinity for musicals and dance sequences would actually be of spiritual significance in my life?
So for now I will "shut up and dance," and praise God for His blessings.
