Post #39: It is Well

You have to love Facebook “Memories.”  Every day I get by notification telling me what was happing in my life (at least according to Facebook). 

Over the weekend I had a memory that brought up a blog post I had written four years ago.  It had to do with the idea of God “seeing” us.  In the post I recounted the story of Naomi.  I began to realize that even in the midst of Naomi’s pain and uncertainty (a widow whose sons were also dead who moved back home and had no livelihood, just a gutsy daughter-in-law), God still saw her.  And while He didn’t give her her husband and sons back, He gave her Ruth, Boaz, and eventually a grandson to fill her arms.  God saw her.

I mentioned the story of Hannah and how the Bible talks about God “seeing” her.

What I found interesting was how four years later this blog post hit home for me.  A couple days before March Break I found out for sure that the teacher I have been filling in for is coming back. 

That next Thursday (the 31^st), will be my last day working full-time.  I then go back to supply teaching.

I’m not going to lie—that was really hard.

I love teaching.  It is exhausting and draining, but it also so rewarding.  I love watching students grasp concepts.  I love helping them learn new skills.  I love watching how it changes their outlook on life when they realize their teacher cares about them.  Even when I just want to fall into bed at night, I feel like I am fulfilling a purpose for my life. As I came back after March Break I felt a sense of dread knowing that that was coming to a close.

Now I will still get to supply teach.  And the principal has told me that I will go to the top of the list for call-ins; so I don’t doubt I will be kept busy!

But it was still hard.

When I read that post, I was reminded of a time in my life where it felt like I was experiencing God both intellectually and emotionally.  Everything seemed like it was in alignment.  As I read or learned more about who He is, I felt myself also experiencing his presence in a more real and tangible way.  It was a challenging time in my life for numerous reasons, but my relationship with God felt so close.

Over the last year or so I have been talking with a friend and have loved hearing how God has been changing her outlook on life.  She has been getting to know and experience Him in different ways.  I can always count on this friend to ask me what God is doing in my life too.

I sometimes struggle with this question because I feel like I’m in a different place.  I can tell her what I’m learning, but my emotions have felt somewhat disconnected and this concerned me.

On Saturday night I had trouble falling asleep because of everything going through my mind (the job, the fact that our tenants gave us their 60 day notice and we love them, that sort of stuff).  No sooner had I started thinking about this than I just stopped and prayed for peace.  I remember saying, “God, I’m really good at asking You to give others peace in their circumstances.  Please give me Your peace right now through all of this.”

And He did.

I’m still nervous and unsure.  But underlying it all is a peace.  God is not going to stop being God.

I realized that I am once again in a different place.  While I was scared that maybe I was just learning stuff and not feeling an emotional connection, I realized that that learning went deeper. That it had begun to change me and to influence my relationships with God—I just hadn’t realized it yet.

And so right now I am resting in the knowledge that God sees.  That He knows me and sees me, and that even if He doesn’t stop the uncertainty, He is still unchanging. 

While taking up the offering at church on Sunday, the pianist was playing “It is Well.”  I feel like the first verse of that song perfectly speaks to where I am at right now.

When peace like a river attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll,

Whatever my lot,

Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul

As Easter approaches, it is my hope to remember that this same Saviour who died for me, who loved me, who carried all of my crap on His shoulders, still sees me today.

And it is in that knowledge that I take peace.