This morning was a bit of a breaking point for me. I found myself in tears, crying out to God, asking Him what I can do and how I can help. I can't be silent when I see racism and prejudice being supported. But I also don't want to make this about me.
I borrowed a book from a co-worker called So you want to talk about race by Ijeoma Oluo. I'm only a third of the way through it, but I already feel like I am learning so much. She has a chapter called "Why am I always being told to 'check my privilege.'"
As a teacher, I have delved into issues of racism and prejudice in several of my classes. We've talked about privilege. And I have had students blow off what I am saying, thinking that calling me a "liberal" or "too sensitive" is justification to not listen to me (interestingly enough, none of them actually knew what political leaning I was. They just assumed that because I said that we should care about people, I must be a liberal... insert shrug). I had classes that would be dismissed while other students, students of colour, would stay behind to talk to me about what had just happened. Would share their experiences. Would share that their experiences were often invalidated in other classes by these students too. And I had many classes where the door would close and I would put my head on my desk and cry. Cry because I didn't understand why Christian kids in a Christian school couldn't understand that we need to care for others. Couldn't understand that their experience wasn't the same experience of every other person in the world.
I'm going to share a chunk of what Oluo says in this chapter.
"When someone asks you to 'check your privilege' they are asking you to pause and consider how the advantages you've had in life are contributing to your opinions and actions, and how the lack of disadvantages in certain areas is keeping you from fully understanding the struggles others are facing and may in fact be contributing to those struggles...
You may be right in saying 'but it's not my privilege that is hurting someone, it's their lack of privilege. Don't blame me, blame the people telling them that what they have isn't as good as what I have.' And in a way, that is true, but know this, a privilege has to come with somebody else's disadvantage... As a light-skinned black woman, I'm viewed by many in society as more intelligent and less threatening than darker-skinned black people. This is a privilege, because in order to be viewed as 'more intelligent' others have to be viewed as 'less intelligent'...
Sit down and think about the advantages you've had in life. Have you always had good mental health? Did you grow up middle class? Are you white? Are you male? Are you nondisabled? Are you neuro-typical? Are you a documented citizen of the country you live in? Did you grow up in a stable home environment? Do you have stable housing? Do you have reliable transportation? Are you cisgender? Are you straight? Are you thin, tall, or conventionally attractive?...
You may well want to list your disadvantages as well. This is not the time for that, so please resist the urge. It is natural to feel like focusing on your advantages invalidates your disadvantages and your struggles in life, but that is not what will happen. You can be both privileged in some areas of life, and underprivileged in others. Both can be true at once and can impact your life at the same time...
Once you've written down a nice long list of privilege, start thinking about how this privilege might have influenced not only your status in society, but your experience with and understanding of the world at large. How might your privilege have impacted your ideas on racism, on education, on the environment? Then start seeking out work on these subjects by people who don't have your same privilege, and listen when those people are speaking. Being privileged doesn't mean that you are always wrong and people without privilege are always right--it means that there is a good chance you are missing a few very important pieces of the puzzle" (pages 63-66).
As I prayed and asked God how I could help, He reminded me of this section. And told me to check my privilege. So here is my list.
I:
-have always had good mental health
-grew up middle class
-am white
-am nondisabled
-am neurotypical
-am a documented, Canadian citizen
-grew up in a stable home environment
-have stable housing
-have reliable transportation
-am cisgender
-am straight
-have blond hair and blue eyes
-have two university degrees
-was able to pay off my student loans
-have a stable job doing what I love
-am married
-have two kids
The list could go on, but that is the start of it. I have privilege. I am privileged. And I don't want to sit by and be silent. I can't be silent.
Oluo also mentions in her book that as we try to understand and step out, we will make mistakes. I did that just this morning. I was angry, hurt, and frustrated by what someone had commented, and I replied in a snarky way. An unhelpful way. So I deleted my comment and apologized. But I also knew I couldn't just say nothing. Because I also believe that that is wrong. Saul (who later became Paul in Scripture), may not have actually stoned the Christians, but he did stand by and watch and hold the coats of those doing the stoning.
Matthew 25:34-45 says the following:
"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invited you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of mine, you did for me.'
Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
He will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."
And so I am going to continue to ask God to show me how I can help those who do not have the same privileges I have. Because my privilege comes at the expense and the disadvantage of other people. We are also doing what we can to teach our children about these issues. I have spent the last week researching and starting to accumulate books about about race, about empathy, and about speaking up. We have been reading I am Human by Susan Verde, Say Something by Peter Reynolds, and Sulwe by Lupita Nyong'o. I have another children's book on order that deals with residential schools in Canada (I am not a Number by Jenny Kay Dupuis). I will finish reading So you want to talk about race, and once it arrives in the mail will also read I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown.
I will make lots of mistakes that I will have to apologize for. But I am going to keep learning and I am going to keep fighting. Because God has not called me to be silent and to be a bystander, but has called me feed and clothe and invite in those who need it. I will continue to try to draw attention to those who are perpetuating the systemic racism that is a part of our society. I am going to do everything in my power to teach and show my children what it means to be empathetic and to see with God's eyes and love with God's heart.
Father, make me Your hands and Your feet.
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