Post 17: Stumbling at the Start of Advent.

I apologize for not writing last week.  I ended up getting called in to supply teach fairly regularly and then by Thursday I was getting sick.  Husband and I spent the weekend trying to get better (while also going to Niagara Falls with my in-laws).  While the wind and cold water spray probably didn't help our being sick, I was pretty excited to finally get to see the falls.  And I definitely fell in love with Niagara-on-the-Lake.  I had never been to Niagara, so it was wonderful to get to go.  And the falls are gorgeous at night with the lights shining on them!  Eating dinner at the revolving restaurant was pretty spectacular too :)

After spending all day Sunday at home resting, we were feeling a little better come Monday.  Which is good since I ended up getting called in to work Monday and Tuesday.  Hence why I didn't write earlier.  Today I ran errands and tutored and then I'm working Thursday and Friday.  As sad as I am that people are getting sick, I really appreciate that it means I'm working four days this week!  Does that make me a horrible person?

There have been some decisions in the last week and a bit since I wrote that I'm proud of.  Others not so much.  Like bursting into tears when my GPS got me lost yesterday.  I was subbing at a school about 45km away.  And the school is close to Toronto, so traffic gets bad.  There was some snow so the highway was gridlocked.  My GPS was taking me on a route that was supposed to be quicker than taking the highway with that kind of traffic.  The problem was the road it wanted me to take was actually closed.  And my battery ended up dying on my phone.  And I didn't know where I was or how to get back to an area that I knew.  And it was dark and raining/snowing.  I believe the last text I sent my husband was I'm lost.  Battery is dead.  Poor guy.

I sobbed.  I was scared.  I ended up missing tutoring because of how late I was.  And I prayed.  As unhappy as I am with how I bawled my eyes out and how much I screamed at my GPS, at least I remembered to pray.  And at just the right moment I looked through my teary eyes and saw a small sign pointing me towards the 403.

I have never been so happy to make it onto a gridlocked highway in all of my life.  It took me two and a half hours to get home, but I made it home.  I was safe.

The moment I`m really not happy about happened last Wednesday.  After my previous post about advent, I felt challenged to look at my life.  What would it look like if I lived as if I actually believed God is with me.  And the way I felt the most challenged to put this into action was with our tenants (our house is a duplex--we live in the top unit and rent out the bottom unit).  For the most part they are really good tenants.  But, as happens when you interact with people, sometimes I get annoyed with them and they get annoyed with us.  Anyway, I felt like God was calling me to love them.  And I figured I could manage that.

So last Wednesday morning I woke up.  It was garbage day so as I put our garbage and recycling out, I noticed they had not put their recycling out yet.  Normally their bins are out before ours.  So I grabbed them and put them out too.

I have to be honest with you all--I felt pretty self-satisfied with myself for doing this.  I know--pretty sad.  Definitely Christ-like, right?  Or not.  Then I got home.  And I noticed that their bins were back on the porch.  Ours were not.  Ours were knocked over on the yard.

So I went inside and through a hissy-fit.  I am really not proud of myself.  In less than twelve hours I went from feeling like I could really try to love like Christ, that I could emulate Him, to stomping around my house and feeling abused.

Talk about an epic failure.

But there is something I have learned about God.  And it's that He bestows grace upon me.  I know I'm going to stumble.  And He knows this too.  But I do honestly want to live my life as one that glorifies Him.  I love Him and I want to show His love to others.  So by His grace I can try again.

So with those humbling thoughts in mind, I will now go cuddle with my cat who is very patiently waiting to get on my lap (he's not allowed to sit on me when I blog... he kind of gets in the way of my typing), and return to watching the Michael Buble Christmas special.

*This is him waiting to be allowed on my lap*

But I would like to challenge others to think about what it means to live believing that Jesus truly is Emmanuel.  At this time of year it is really easy to get caught up in ourselves or our immediate family and friends.  Or we can give money to the Salvation Army or donate food to the food bank.  And all of those are great, please don't get me wrong.  But I think of Jesus loving those who were deemed unloveable.  And I feel challenged.  Who is there for you to love right now?  What would it look like to love them as Jesus does?