On Sunday night Jordan and I went for a walk. Almost every year my one sister and I would always go for after-dinner walks once Remembrance Day arrived. Every night we would watch more and more houses put up decorations. It also was a time when we just were able to connect with each other. Every year when we go back to my parents' for Christmas, the same thing happens. We all go for walks in the evenings and admire (or laugh at) the decorations. I have mentioned this to my husband so on Sunday night he suggested we go out before dinner.
And within minutes of starting our walk we had found our perfect neighborhood. It was full of heritage homes and large lots. And they were beautifully decorated. The next day I decided I would run through this area so that I could look at see what it looked like in daylight.
Well, I was so enamored with the area that I neglected to watch what my feet were doing. This is a bad idea when you're running. Before I knew I fallen flat on my face. I jumped up and finished the rest of my run, adrenaline kicking in. I got home, sat down, and noticed that my running tights had holes in both knees now. After further inspection I discovered blood. This was around the time when my adrenaline wore off :)
So I now grunt and groan whenever I have to move my legs, as the bruises, bumps, and abrasions like to remind me that they are present. But I also feel a sense of pride in my war wounds. They are evidence that I am still trying to stay motivated to exercise. And they also remind me that when yours eyes aren't where they should be, trouble will usually ensue.
A while ago I believe I shared a Tim Keller point about navel-gazing. About how when we always look at ourselves, we will only see failure. We will be continually overwhelmed with how low we really are and how we don't deserve God's grace. But when we keep our eyes on God, when we see ourselves in the light of His grace and goodness, when we realize our identity rests in Him, we become aware of how we have been saved.
I have been really trying hard to remember this. Whenever I start to feel gross or down about myself, I have been trying to turn to God. To ask Him to remind me of who I am in His eyes. To thank Him for all He has blessed me with (skinned knees and all).
In church on Sunday (yes, I finally go to make it to church!), we sung the song "Before the Throne of God Above." I want to share the words with you, because they really struck me and have stuck with me this week.
Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea:A great High Priest, whose name is Love,Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,My name is written on His heart;I know that while in heaven He standsNo tongue can bid me thence departNo tongue can bid me thence depart.
When Satan tempts me to despair,And tells me of the guilt within,Upward I look, and see Him thereWho made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died,My sinful soul is counted free;For God the just is satisfiedTo look on Him and pardon meTo look on Him and pardon me
Behold Him there, the Risen LambMy perfect, spotless righteousness,The great unchangeable I am,The King of glory and of grace!
One with Himself I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His bloodMy life is hid with Christ on high,With Christ, my Savior and my GodWith Christ, my Savior and my God
No matter what is going on, this song reminds me of the God I serve. Of the God I love who also loves me. The God who knit me together, who knows my innermost thoughts and feelings. When I lost track of that, I need to remember who the One is that has my name written on His hands and His heart.
I love that third verse especially the last two lines, where it says "Upward I look, and see Him there Who made an end to all my sin."
Who am I? I am forgiven. I am loved. I am redeemed. I am set free.
I realize I haven't actually said all that much, but really I just wanted to share that song with all of you. I'm hoping that as you read it you too are reminded of who you are. That your identity is not wrapped up in your circumstances or determined by what you do or don't have. It is wrapped up in your life being "hid with Christ on high."
And with that I must go and pay some attention to my cat who has spent the duration of this post trying to crawl onto my lap :)
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