Post 23: Rocky Meets Narnia

After our cold snap at the start of January I refuse to not run if the weather isn't too bad (I've decided -10 to -15 is more than adequate for running).  To ensure I don't freeze I have taken up layering.  The result is me with two hoodies (with both hoods pulled over my head), an ear warmer, neck warmer, and gloves.  As I set off from our house I hit play on my ipod and started running.  With the hoods pulled up, and some "Gonna Fly Now" blasting through my earphones, I couldn't help but imagine that I was Rocky.  Which meant that while running I may or may not have thrown some punches (I don't even want to know what people think of me).  It was also snowing, and not just tiny flakes.  We're talking big, fluffy flakes, like the kind you would imagine Lucy and Mr. Tumnus meeting under at the lamppost.

Yes, this is how my imagination works.

I have spent the last two days trying to figure out what to write about.  Only this time it isn't because I don't know what to talk about, it's because I have heard a lot of things lately that I could write about.  I think there are a few things that I will save for later and for now I will just talk from the heart.

Last week I got to spend four days teaching the same class.  It was a quirky group of grade six students and I loved getting to spend time with them.  I had them once for a music class in the fall and they thought my making a fool of myself was hilarious (good thing I don't have a problem with making a fool of myself).  Two students found broken paint brushes while I was there and presented them to my so I could have my own conducting sticks.  I thought that was pretty cute.

With the start of the New Year I found a reading plan for my devotions and have really worked hard to be diligent in my reading.  I began to notice myself being less concerned with what I was reading on my scale every morning, and instead found I was feeling healthy and happy.  For the first time in a while I had returned to catching a glimpse of myself the way God saw me.

Then something happened on Sunday.

I woke up feeling a little down.  Couldn't explain what it was, I just felt worn down.  Jordan and I went to church and for the second week in a row I had the sense of being overwhelmed with the tangible presence of God.

Almost as soon as this happened, I messed up singing one of the songs.  Not a big deal--it happens fairly often :)  What shocked me was how I started to mentally beat myself up for it.  I never do that, but in this case I felt so discouraged.  As the day progressed I had to fight that response over everything I did.  At one point it got so bad that if I ate I felt guilty over it.

There is something wonderful about being able to go to your husband, cry, tell him what you're experiencing, and know that he will encourage and pray for you.  Having someone else go to God on your behalf is sometimes what you need.

And so far this week has started off better.  I've exercised, cleaned the house, walked into the downtown to a used bookstore I have been wanting to check out since moving here, and have just plain relaxed.

And with that I think I will end today's post.  I'm teaching grade three tomorrow so I'm getting myself into my crazy groove.  And I'm also going to go and try a new recipe out for dinner.

Before I go I just want to leave you with something that I have mentioned before:  Matt Chandler talks about two major hurdles that women face and they are perfectionism and comparison.  When telling husband what I was going through he pointed out to me that I do tend to compare myself to others.

Please don't do that.  We are all guilty of it; sometimes we compare ourselves to make us feel better, and other times through doing it we make ourselves feel worse.  It's not healthy and I don't for one moment believe that God intends for us to do that.  I'm me.  Sometimes I don't like who I am, but I am made in the image of God.  I am a piece of art and my beauty is in the eyes of my Beholder.  Comparison leads only to frustration and discontent.  It ruins relationships.  A woman feels like she doesn't measure up to her sister, and  a rift develops between them.  Friends unwittingly take part in a competition that can rob them of a greater depth.  We compare ourselves to others and then become convinced that everyone else is judging us.  We twist and warp things.  We find ourselves unhappy, beaten down, and alone.

Each and every one of us is unique.  We are different.  But we are all works of art made by the True Artist.